Want A Bikini Body In Time For Spring Break? Try These Weight-Loss Techniques

  1. Drink smoothies. It doesn’t really matter what’s in them, but they’re like, inherently healthy. Also, telling people you drink smoothies gives the illusion of being healthy, even if by “smoothie” you mean “chocolate milkshake.”
  2. You consume a lot of calories by going out and drinking with friends on the weekend. So, next time your friends plan a night out, stay in and drink a mug of hot water while you binge-watch Veep.
  3. You can enjoy Taco Tuesday, just skip the taco, meat, cheese, and guac part. Just have those two shreds of lettuce that come on top. Refreshing AND fun!
  4. Put a ton of flax seeds in your breakfast. You’ll be on the toilet so much, you won’t have the time or energy to eat for the rest of the day! Disclaimer: don’t do this.
  5. Run a marathon. Or two. Think BIG, right?
  6. Spend your days inside a sauna. Rumor has it that you sweat out a lot of weight in there, so no harm in spending a few hours in there while you do homework or, like, write a novel. I don’t know what you do in your free time.
  7. You can still have blueberry muffins for breakfast—just eat the individual berries and leave the muffin part. Delicious and nutritious!
  8. Celery has < 2 calories per stick, so, I don’t know, substitute it for recipes that call for meat/fish/dairy/eggs/anything beside celery.
  9. Buy one of those mini trampolines and just bounce all day. Bonus points if you can  eat celery at the same time.
  10. Drinking a lot of water is key, so buy one of those Camelbak packs that has the long straw attached to it. You know, the one that hikers, and like, Lance Armstrong probably uses. Who has time to sip from a water bottle? You have shit to do. Just walk around like that all day, straw in your mouth, and think of the sandy beach that awaits you in Cabo.
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