Okay, let’s start this article off by saying that Rachel cannot sing. One time, she sang in the car with her mom and her mom gave her a “solid C-” on her singing capabilities. But if there’s one thing Rachel has learned in college, it’s that C’s get degrees. Merilla, on the other hand, can beatbox “boots and cats” all day and is actually in an a cappella group. (S U B L I M I N A L A D V E R T I S I N G). Therefore, we are the perfect pair to be dissecting the Tufts a cappella scene. Rachel is a huge a cappella groupie, so going to Tufts was the best decision she’s ever made in her life. Want to know why? Because a cappella groups are frickin’ everywhere. They take up the dining halls. They “riff” in the Dowling elevator (like, we get it! You sing! Cool!). They wear color-coordinated outfits and fake smiles (something Rachel’s an expert at).
Now, you may be thinking, “Wait, isn’t Merilla in an a cappella group? Aren’t you dissing her? What’s going on???” Why, yes, Merilla is in Enchanted, Tufts’ most magical a cappella group. And no, we aren’t dissing her, because Enchanted is (in our completely objective joint opinion) the 2nd coolest student group on campus (after Jumbo Beat, of course). Before beginning our ranking of a cappella groups here, we’d like to answer a question from a fan that just arrived via carrier pigeon.
Fan named Erlando Oconomos: “Wait, isn’t it a conflict of interest for you guys to write an ‘objective’ post about a cappella if Merilla is part of the a cappella scene? Like, that seems shady and the opposite of pure and righteous journalism? Explain???”
Our answer: “Chill out, dude. ‘Conflict of interest’? We’re not The Daily.”
Without further ado, THE RANKINGS. *Someone drop a sick beat*.
5. You and Your Roommate Freestyle Rapping
Picture this. You just left ATO or DDT or LMNOP (formerly known as AEPi) after a “crazy night out” (Read: You finally, after 20 minutes of waiting in the cold, realized the wait was not worth whatever “dope party” was “bumpin'” in the “basement”). You stop by Moe’s food truck and eat a cheeseburger even though you promised yourself you were going to be a vegan this week. You and your roommate get home and have the Tufts equivalent of the brilliant idea, “Hey, we should start a band!”, which is, “Hey, we should start an a cappella group!” Y’all can do it. We have faith in you. Make your dreams a reality.
4. HYPE Mime Troupe
A mime troupe? On an a cappella list? Merilla is unsure why Rachel put this on the list, but Rachel’s response to Merilla’s confusion was this: “Their bodies are in fact singing a glorious song. Maybe if you opened your heart instead of your ears, you would understand this true music.” Alrighty.
3. The Beelzebubs (aka the Bubs)
Three words are enough to describe the Bubs: Tight. Red. Pants (Wow! What a creative joke we just made there!). Ha, we’re just kidding. They’re very talented. They went on the Sing Off that one time which is pretty rad. Also, Rachel had a crush on the guy with the curly hair. However, the Bubs have yet to personally serenade either of us with brownies, wine, and sweet tunes (*ahem*, slide into our DMs and we can make something work), so they lost a bunch of points for that.
2. A 7-Way Tie between Amalgamates, Enchanted, Essence, Jackson Jills, S-Factor, Shir Appeal, sQ!
Lol this is definitely a cop out (we don’t like confrontation!!!!!11!1!!1!one), but Tufts’ a cappella groups are just so damn talented! Rachel is legit in awe as to how much talent there is, and how people can sing notes on key and also move at the same time. (Multitasking is not her strong suit.) The ‘Mates always have the dopest soloists; Enchanted is magical af (af = as fudge, which is the most magical thing on this planet); The Ladies of Essence have so much more swagger than we could ever dream of; S-Factor gives everyone legitimate eargasms; sQ! is so fresh that we feel revitalized after watching them perform (s/o to that mashup that is JUST SO GOOD); The Jackson Jills are basically the Bellas from Pitch Perfect; and Shir Appeal belts power chords for DAYS. It’s on our bucket list to attend at least one show for every a cappella group on campus, and we’re doing pretty well so far.
We’re gonna let you finish, but…Merkailyen is the best a cappella group of all time. Our very own Merilla Michael (aka gRillz aka g Rillz) arranged this masterpiece! The harmonies are so complex in this young group’s debut that the average ear can’t really comprehend the true beauty of the arrangement. “Will this Merkailiyen joke ever get old?” you may ask. NEVER.
Stay weird, y’all.