The Obsession With Plants: Cacti, Succulents, Etc.

One of the best parts about moving back to Tufts (whether you’re on campus or off campus) is getting to decorate your room and/or house and making it feel more like a home. People say love, family, and friends are what make a house a home, but I’m here to tell you that that’s all BS. What really makes a house a home are plants. Glorious, glorious plants. They can take a Tilton double from slightly resembling a prison cell to being the ideal place for get togethers and tea dates. So, what is it about these nifty little things (or big, depending on how committed you are) that brings so much life into a room? Allow me to explain.

1.) When You’re Feeling Dead Inside, At Least Your Plant Is Alive (Hopefully?)

When it’s 2 a.m. on a Tuesday, you’re only halfway through your Caesar reading (in Latin, mind you), you’re hungry but realize all you have to eat or drink are lemons and wine (Anyone else? No? Just me? Alrighty then…), you may be feeling pretty sad inside. You’re probably dehydrated because you’re too lazy to fill up your Brita water pitcher and futilely hope your housemate will do it, and all you want to do is go to sleep. Then, you look at Luke, the new succulent you bought for a mere $6 at Trader Joe’s last week. It looks up at you, all green and shit (if you’ve been watering it), and smiles. Then you think, “Hm, maybe life’s not so bad after all. If Luke can deal with me forgetting to water it more than once a month, surely I can get through this week.” Plants are a nice reminder in the corner of your room.

2.) Plant Upkeep Prepares You For The Most Important Phase(s) Of Your Life

For men, this most important stage is, of course, raising a child. For women, this is raising whatever collection of pets suits your fancy. You start small with a plant, see if you have what it takes to tend to something weekly, and if you do, you’re on your way to taking care of a living, breathing pet! Plant upkeep is the dress rehearsal for real life. Go through as many plants as necessary until you feel comfortable being responsible for something other than yourself (which may be never, as in my case). Then move on to bigger things! Like an apple tree in your backyard, a dog, a cat, a wild bear, a collection of reptiles, or even me! Someone make me food other than Annie’s mac n cheese, please. #Desperate.

3.) Plants = Oxygen? (A Revised Photosynthesis Equation)

Oxygen? For breathing? Groundbreaking.* Who couldn’t do with a little more oxygen in their life? Apparently, plants give us oxygen or whatever. Don’t look at me; I’m not a scientist. Respect yourself and treat yo’self to some extra oxygen to get you through those long nights. You may have been taught the “5-2-1-0, Let’s Go” phrase to remind you of simple, healthy habits to keep. While the government wants you to think that the “5” in that series has to do with how many servings of fruits and vegetables you should get per day, it’s actually how many breaths you need to ~chill the fudge (I’m still too scared to swear on this site) out~ after a long day.**

4.) They’re Cute And You Deserve Cute Things

This last point is purely based on aesthetic, but if we’re being honest, isn’t everything low-key based on aesthetic? I’m going to let that sink in a bit and gently drop my mic. *Picks mic back up*. As I was saying…there’s a cute plant for everyone. You can get a small cactus or a bigger mint plant (that is actually functional too!) or #GoBigOrGoHome with the biggest plant you can possibly find and subsequently replace your roommate because there isn’t enough space in the room for both them and your plant. You can’t be blamed for having your priorities straight.

Now, go buy yourself a cute plant! Or don’t. I’m not your mom. Or am I?

*Mic drop* ~oooooo~

*How many times can we use a variation on this quote before it becomes a stale meme? Only time will tell. #Only21stCenturyKidzRemember #DidSomeoneSayKidzBop?

**Some science article that may or may not exist has scientifically proven this with science and stuff.

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