Texts From Last Night (From Mom)

Since we’re all away at college, the prime method of communication between us and our parents is through text messages (unless some are still participating in carrier pigeons, which is actually…fairly impressive when you think about it). Of course, mixing moms with technology always causes hilarity, whether it’s through the confusion of texting, or just the sheer mom-ness that is conveyed even over the phone.

1. Lots of pictures of the family pet

Moms love keeping you updated when you’re not at home, and this is achieved through spamming the family group chat with various photos of Ginger the cat sprawled around the house. Good to know we’re missing out on some quality cat naps.

2. Lots of pictures of other people’s pets

One time, my mom sent me a blurry picture of a very chubby neighborhood dog with the caption, “He was so cute, but he waddled away so fast after his owner. I couldn’t take a good picture!” Needless to say, it made the day just a bit brighter.

3. Technological fails

“How do I record on the DVR?”

“Why can’t I open this email?”

“Why doesn’t this font show up in the document?”

“How do I tweet?”

“Your father tried to fix the upstairs sink and now the bathroom is flooded.”

4. Life Updates

Moms love typing out descriptive paragraphs of their days, with each short phrase followed by the classic “…” ellipse in place of a comma. The suspense given to trying to find the right pasta sauce at the supermarket reaches astronomical levels in a mom text. For example, “The regular sauce we use wasn’t there… I asked a store clerk….thank goodness it was in stock in the back….grateful or else spaghetti night would be a letdown….” It’s great to add a bit of drama to the everyday affair.

5. Reminders

Obviously, mothers are the queens of reminders. From, “Remember to wear your retainer at night!” to, “Didn’t you need to buy some snacks before the storm?” moms are still extremely telepathic, regardless of how far away they seem to be. At least it gets you actually doing some of the stuff you casually fibbed about to your parents— yes, Mom, I’m doing my laundry all the time.

6. Abbreviations and Wrong Emojis

But not abbreviations used in ways we usually do. Let’s be honest, one of your parents still thinks “LOL” stands for Lots of Love. And of course, moms love adding punctuation to the end of statements. It’s always slightly jarring seeing “LOL” because it’s just that much more aggressive. Also, parents always confuse the use of emojis —they’ll send the eggplant emoji when talking about the vegetable dish they made for dinner. I think we all know why that’s facepalm/cringe worthy.

7. Major FOMO

Alongside life updates, moms love reporting what they just made for dinner. If you’re in a family group chat, it’s also increasingly saddening when they ask “Does anyone want meatballs for dinner tonight?” Yes, hello, me, I would very much like fresh meatballs and pasta instead of dining hall fare. Thank you for the taunts of homemade food that just adds a slight twinge of homesickness.

 

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