The Housing Games

There’s a lot at stake when it comes to the high-stress world of on-campus housing. What would you do for a suite in Wren or an apartment in Hillsides? While murder, sexual favors, and general sabotage are all good and viable options, they won’t necessarily guarantee you the caliber of housing that you and your group so clearly desire. So the question is this: what do you do to avoid winding up alone, living like a hermit in a bush—or worse, Bush? I bring you The Housing Games.

The Hunger Games were, for obvious reasons, a failure in Panem. However, with some very specific and minor changes, they could be used to effectively end housing disputes. Everyone going for Wren (which has unfortunately already closed for those freshmen desperately behind) comes together and has a good ol’ Hunger Games style fight to the death for a set amount of time on the Res Quad. The group with the most surviving players gets first pick and so on. This Death Arena will open up for each successive lottery until everyone either has housing at Tufts or in the afterlife.

Okay, so it’s unrealistic and admittedly a little too out there as far as ideas go. But at least in this way numbers wouldn’t be so random (this coming from someone who got the short end of the stick in terms of lottery numbers), and backstabbing would be more upfront and obvious. My group was lucky, but there was still contention within it, finally ending in the acquisition of a Wren suite (despite several serious arguments over group names).

Not all groups—or individuals for that matter—have been so lucky. My personal favorites have been the pleas for final necessary group members via Facebook, those looking to complete their groups of six or ten at the very last minute. And you have others in the brutal process of discovering that even their fairly high number will not guarantee them a single in West. It’s a dog-eat-dog world, and those at the bottom of the food chain are desperately scrambling in an attempt to avoid another year of Houstonesque living.

So maybe The Housing Games are unrealistic, but they level the playing field a bit more—physical strength has to be better than an arbitrary number, right? But with the way the housing stress is going for many, it’s already a life or death scenario. To those with a number so low they may as well just live on the streets next year: good luck— I hope you don’t get abandoned. And to those of you with particularly high numbers in the sophomore lottery: stick by your friends’ sides—they may just help you get into SoGo senior year.

 

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