Trump vs. Clinton: The Race for Lizard Domination

This election year has proven to be nothing more than a joke, with highlight reels on YouTube from every debate and laughable arguments cropping up every week. Yes, this election is a joke, and the American people are the losers. Ted Cruz has been speculated to be the Zodiac Killer, despite the overwhelming evidence against this (and the complete impossibility). But these ridiculous speculations only blind us to the real and terrifying reality of things: Trump and Clinton are a part of the reptilian elite that controls our society, awaiting the day when they can at last enslave humanity.

With Trump surging ahead in the primaries thus far, the other Republicans have fallen behind—after all, they don’t have an entire race of otherworldly creatures behind them pulling the strings. Hillary Clinton is also maintaining her lead in the caucuses. You could say that it’s because she’s a more moderate candidate than Sanders, but doesn’t that mean she just wants to keep the status quo—the reptilian status quo? There are numerous pieces of evidence to suggest that two of the most popular candidates are, in fact lizards.

We first turn to Donald Trump. Here we have a candidate hell bent on fear mongering in order to ascend to the presidency. Everything makes sense if you look at it objectively. Who’s more likely to secede once our reptilian overlords reveal themselves? The South. Who is Donald Trump especially appealing to? The South. Genius. Trump needs to satisfy the southerners to keep control once he’s in office, and what better way to do that than by giving republicans in the south everything they want, including their very own wall? And his mystifying hairdo? Just another way he attempts to blend in with the common man.

Though Hillary’s infiltration technique is slightly different from Trump’s, it has also been effective despite her occasional slip-ups. Hillary Clinton has failed miserably in her attempt to blend in as “just one of the kids.” Could it be that she’s just an older woman trying to get young voters onboard with her campaign? Or could it be that, as a lizard, she simply has no idea how to blend into human society? Other screw-ups, such as her recent email scandal, make things even clearer. It’s obvious once you take a step back that Clinton’s missing emails were nothing more than progress reports being sent back to her people monitoring the progression of future human enslavement. Other failures as secretary of state were also orchestrated by her race in order to gain further control of the world.

So, while we don’t expect Ted Cruz to come out as the Zodiac Killer (that’s just ridiculous), we do need to examine the very real evidence that Trump and Clinton are in league with each other to take over the country. The progress that either of them makes as a potential president will be slow, but they will almost certainly be pulling strings from the inside to make humanity more docile and ready for the final takeover. #LizardTruth

 

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