An Ode to Energy Drinks (Not a Poem)

This past week was very busy for me. It was so busy that I couldn’t even write for Jumbo Beat. (To be fair, it was more of a time management issue on my part, but I was definitely busy.) Schoolwork is tough here. So is finding time to do laundry. But luckily finding ways to get an energy boost isn’t too hard. Free coffee in the dining hall is a decent choice. I’ve been drinking coffee since sophomore year of high school, back when I was trying to be an adult instead of failing to be one. The need to find energy is one of the unexpected ways in which the process of adulthood has changed me. But even more so than free coffee, energy drinks now hold a special place in my heart, unless I contract heart problems from excessive caffeine.

Last semester over finals week, I had a ludicrous amount of work and studying to do and needed some help, so I gave energy drinks a try. And I found that a drink gave me wings. These wings allowed to me finish off a 12 page paper and prepare for multiple exams in the dread of the semester’s ultimate moments. Because of my positive experiences regarding these drinks, I now use them occasionally. The excitement begins as soon as I open the can. I love the little pop sound the tab makes. Carbonation gives off a more exhilarating feeling than the chill vibes of drinking a cup of coffee. From the moment the can of an energy drink opens, a rush of energy comes raging towards you like a bull,  monster, or rockstar. This bull gives off a strong charge, so its energy must be taken in strategically or else the charge will overwhelm you. Too much caffeine, sugar, and whatnot in too little time yields results akin to stories about what happens in Las Vegas that are more about regrets than good times. However, when consumed strategically, this combination of power is a blessing from the heavens.

A certain brand of energy drink that rhymes with Tedbull helped me power through a very tough Wednesday this past week. I had to do homework for a few classes, attend these said classes, attend a pledge event, and finish a project on four hours of sleep. Homework plus work does not assist in creating a healthy sleep schedule. On Tuesday, I convinced myself to buy a 4-pack of drinks right after work from the corner store where I also buy Pop-Tarts and Chex Mix. (It’s a solid market.) I finished some homework, then went to bed at an unreasonable hour.  I tried waking up at 8 for my 9 a.m. class and immediately went back to sleep. I somehow stayed awake enough to grab an energy drink and trudge to Carm to eat some breakfast, the most important meal of the day besides the energy drink. In my semi-conscious state I walked to my first class and opened the can to begin a process of faux-rejuvenation. I opened the can and sipped on the sweet, fizzy, literally golden liquid. The energy hit me like a series of small waves on the beach, propelling me to pay attention through all my classes , and even get a small workout in at the gym. However, though I had an encounter with the power of a Greek god, the crash hit me like a train conductor hits the brakes in order to avoid a cow stupid enough to graze on the tracks.

As I sat in the lecture hall at around 3:30, my body  reverted to its former state. The life was sucked out of me, and I could barely stay awake. Along with giving you the boost of adrenaline, a Monster can tear you apart. That’s what makes them scary. I was reminded of how grumpy I was that morning. It was awful. My body’s capacity for work was gone. However, for some reason, when lecture ended, I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. I somehow made it back to my dorm room after class and took the greatest nap of all time. With nap energy, I accomplished all the other things I needed to do. I made it.

At this point in my life, I think the benefits of energy drinks outweigh the costs. As I continue failing to be a successful adult, energy drinks will continue to preserve my hopes in even the most perilous cases of irresponsible time management.



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