The Totally Definitive Ranking of Valentine’s Day Candy

Valentine’s Day is the holiday for couples to do cutesy activities and shower one another with love and affection. It’s also the holiday where the entire candy aisle turns different hues of pink, red, and purple. There’s the good, the bad, and the ugly, but hey, free candy the day afterwards for us single folks, right?


Courtesy of Barb Steinacker via Flickr
Courtesy of Barb Steinacker via Flickr

5. Candy Hearts

Candy hearts taste like what can only be described as weird sugary chalk. The words are rarely printed in the middle of the heart, and the colors are more reminiscent of Easter than Valentine’s Day, to be very honest. These are the candies that you sarcastically threw to your friends in middle school. They’re the vegetables of Valentine’s Day. (If pizza can be a vegetable, so can the green candy hearts.) You eat them begrudgingly with little enjoyment while laughing at some of the phrases—most famously, “My Pal” and “Email Me…”



kisses (google)
via Google

4. Generic Chocolate Assortment from A Drugstore

These chocolates are grade-A suspicious and just plain weird. Not only does this gift scream, “I forgot today was Valentine’s Day,” or “This was bought on a last minute panic-induced whim,” but has anybody actually been able to decipher what kinds of chocolates are in the box? The pictures on the cardboard box are very rarely indicative of what is actually inside. Each one is a misshapen, coated mystery.



reeses via google
via Google

3. Brand Name Chocolate

It’s not special per say, seeing as anyone who’s craving a bit of a sugar fix can run and grab a Hershey’s chocolate bar. But personally, I’d much rather get candy that I know I actually like than risk playing the game of “which truffle is least likely to gross me out” with the generic drugstore chocolate boxes. You can’t go wrong with the classic taste of a Reese’s Cup – it’s not the highest end nor the best quality of chocolate, but it gets the job done.



via Google

2. The Fancier Brand Name Chocolate

So this is the fancy stuff—this is the quality chocolate that you save up to buy when you’re treating yourself. Godiva and Lindt are the two big ones, and maybe Ghirardelli if you’re more geared towards the West Coast. The truffles are melt-in-your-mouth, and you know whoever gave you this candy went out of their way to get it. Valentine’s Day is a big day for these chocolate companies too, so no doubt you’ll get your gift in a pretty package with just enough chocolate variety to last you for a week…or three days if we’re being realistic.




chocolates (impian)
Courtesy of impian kitchen via Flickr 

1. Chocolate from a Family Owned Chocolate Shop

That little chocolatier shop from your hometown that envelops you with sugary-sweet candy ambience the moment you step through its door? This is where the best gift boxes come from. Nothing beats these types of chocolate assortments, and every place is different (yet undeniably good). These chocolates either bring back some childhood memories, particularly if the store is from your old town, or introduce you to a new shop that’ll have you drooling over its candy for the next couple of months.









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