*Disclaimer: I mean no disrespect to those who enjoy and cherish their Lululemon clothing. All the power to you. Put simply, I’m sick of my self-confidence depending on how I look in spandex. I’m also sick of being #broke af, and Lululemon isn’t helping that cause. So, in this case, I’d rather laugh than cry.*
**Second disclaimer: I don’t pretend to be a good poet.**
In the sale section is where we first met
Cash was tight—forty dollars just seemed so right.
Now labeled “basic,” I wanted to fret
And friends warned that you may feel very tight.
But tight, shmight–you said you’d craft a good butt.
Once delivered, I raced to try you on
And with sausage-link for calves, “TOO TIGHT!” barked my mutt.
Feeling insecure, I wanted you gone
You wasted my time and my credit card
Perhaps I’d have better luck at Baby Gap .
Frankly, I should eat more cake, less kale and chard
And this is the last time I’ll fall for your trap.
Bodies that skinny don’t really exist
Now please excuse me, I must go read my geology book on Schist.