Feud-ception

That’s right, guys. The unthinkable happened: we are officially “feuding”. Keep on the lookout because #Merilla&RachelFeud will be trending on Facebook and Twitter very soon. This ain’t no Family Feud either. This is Sharks vs. Jets level sh*t here. We shall set the scene (without any bias of course — we are respectable journalists) and you guys can take sides. We were thinking of doing this Gilmore Girls-style a la when Luke and Lorelai broke up in season five and the town showed their support for either side by wearing a pink or blue ribbon. However, since we are one entity you have your choice of purple or purple ribbons. Choose wisely.

I. How the fight started:

It all started one day when we were thinking about ideas for this week’s blog. Some of the titles we wanted to write about were “Intergalactic Space Travel: Do it for the Vine”, “Merilla and Rachel Try Calligraphy” and “Reasons Why Adam Hotaling Hates Us”. None of these really stood out to us as unique, but finally we thought of the perfect idea: we get into a fight with each other. We make it a big dramatic showdown and everyone will be riveted by the drama. This is where things started to turn nasty because Merilla thought Rachel should be the bad guy whereas Rachel thought there shouldn’t be a clear good or bad guy. Here we present our two sides to the story:

Rachel’s Side

I’d like to portray my side of the story in the form of a dialogue. I present to you all…dialogue — a conversation between Merilla and me while we discussed how to go about our fake fight:

Me: I think we should both have some faults in this fake fight. I’ve been watching a lot of dramatic shows recently with anti-heroes and that’s what hooks the audience in.
Merilla: No. I think you would be perfect for the bad girl role.
Me: Why do you say that? I’m the nicest kid in town.
Merilla: Okay. How about that time where we had our dance rehearsal at 8:00, but you had another dance rehearsal at 4:00 with Josh. He told you he might have to leave your dance early at 7:50, so you smiled politely and said “no worries!” Then, you engaged Josh in conversation because you knew the choreographer would yell at him. Sure enough, Josh got yelled at in front of everyone while you smirked and said, “that’s for leaving my dance early.”
Me: What’s that got to do with anything?

Answer: Nothing. It has nothing to do with anything. (Hi, it’s Merilla and I’d just like to say that this story has literally everything to do with everything.)

Merilla’s Side

Hello, Merilla here. I’d just like to chip in my two cents (sense? sents? cense? bacon? I’m so hungry). Does that story alone not qualify Rachel to be the bad guy in this fake fight which was supposed to be FAKE. I just feel like I’m being attacked and I don’t like it. I came out here to have a good time. Also, I read a lot of books and watch a lot of TV but mostly (only) the second one and I don’t like it when there’s not a clear good and bad guy. Call me old-fashioned, but…how do people usually end sentences that start with, “Call me old-fashioned, but…?” I guess we’ll never know. Anyway, the point is, out of the two of us, Rachel’s done the more socially questionable things which totally qualifies her to be the villain in this fight. I just feel like if we were the cast of The Vampire Diaries, Rachel would be much better at playing bad boy Damon than me. Also, she catfished a dude in high school. And when I asked her if I could mention that in the blog, she responded with, “Yes, absolutely. I’m so proud of that.” The point is that she’s a little shady. (Hey Rachel here – I am currently editing and I would like to say that I prefer the term “tricked my friend into thinking I was his girlfriend online” as opposed to “catfished a dude in high school”. Carry on.)

II. Anger, Disgust, Other Negative Emotions:

Rachel’s Side

It’s an odd feeling to be in a fight with your soulmate. The worst part for me was having no one else to talk to. Before the fight, whenever I was in a social situation that was getting too emotionally charged, I would text Merilla to escape the societal pressures. Now, I had to listen to people’s problems. And I resented Merilla for it.

Merilla’s Side

To be honest, I don’t really know what’s going on. I just wanted to do something cool for the blog and now, my other half and I aren’t talking. Do you know what it’s like to not be talking to your other half? It’s like that moment where you need to sneeze, but you know that if you do sneeze, a bunch of snot is going to come out of your nose and you’re not in a place where you can actually have snot fly out of your nose so you hold in your sneeze so hard that you have these sudden involuntary body movements that make you look like you’re possessed and then you pop a blood vessel in your head and then you’re in pain and then you’re in the hospital and these creepy doctors wearing gloves are saying big words and you don’t understand them even though you took AP Bio and then you think of that episode of Courage the Cowardly Dog where that scary teacher is all like, “Courage…you’re not perfect” and then you question your very existence and wonder why blueberries are green when you take their skin off and then nothing makes sense and you just think to yourself, “Wow, this sucks.” That’s what it feels like. It sucks.

III. The Resolution:

Our Side

OK. So we are officially not feuding as of an hour ago because Carm had fiery chicken fingers, mac n cheese, and spicy french fries and nothing — not even a feud about a feud for the blog — is going to stop us from enjoying this triple threat of a meal together. Friendship is magical.

Stay weird, y’all.

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