For those of you who know Merilla really well, you know exactly who Danny is. If you don’t, allow us to fill you in before we dive into the ode we’ve prepared today. Picture this: Merilla. Now also picture this: Danny. The year was 2009. Danny was a sweet boy like any other and he simply swept Merilla off her feet during their 8th grade gym class. Literally. He tripped her during kickball. Merilla just thought that since he was being mean to her, he must have liked her *insert valid feminist rant here*. He was the best, her one and only. They dated for 5 whole months, but Danny didn’t know that; he was a little oblivious. He ended the relationship after he found Merilla creeping on his windowsill trying to reenact a scene from Twilight. Merilla was heartbroken and has never really recovered. She insisted that we write a collaborative ode to the love of her life in hopes that she could win him back. We proudly present to you: “Ode to Danny”. We highly recommend listening to a The Weeknd playlist while reading this to yourself to set the mood.
You were always there for me when I needed you the most.
I liked being with you more than I liked eating toast.
Even though I had homework, you would tempt me late at night.
Your provocative presence filled me with delight.
My friends thought that I was getting weirdly obsessed.
But, in reality, your love had me completely possessed.
I might have been a little bit overprotective.
But our relationship made more introspective.
No one else has ever made me feel this way.
I still have the gift you gave me on my birthday.
I sleep with it every night.
I’m nOt creEpY I SWeAr *nervous laughter*.
Your cheeks were just so darn rosy.
Our snuggle sessions were so darn cozy.
Ever since that fated day in gym class.
You’ve made me so happy (gym class).
It’s an echo. Did you get the joke?
Danny, oh Danny, how I miss you so.
How I miss being able to call you my beau.
You were a light in my life until you went out.
We’ll end up together I have no doubt.
And that concludes “Ode to Danny”. Danny, if you’re out there and you see this, Merilla is still reachable at her old Yahoo address: firstname.lastname@example.org. Please reach out. She’s desperate.