During hibernation, bears go into their dens and sleep. During midterm season, Tufts students hole themselves up in Tisch and cry. Here are the five stages you go through when the exam is looming just around the corner:
1. “Wait, I forgot something crucial.”
Half an hour into your studying — okay, let’s be honest, half an hour after you began sitting at your spot and scrolling through Facebook — you finally make yourself get to work. Then you realize you’re missing a quarter of the notes you have because past-you thought it’d be smart to clean out your backpack. Now those notes are back in your dorm room, taunting you from your desk. You can feel this studying expedition start to go downhill and no amount of last minute skimming is going to save you.
2. “Okay. I’ll wing it. I don’t need my notes.”
Let’s not give up yet, you think, those notes aren’t really that crucial to your success tomorrow. Who wants to go all the way back to the dorm room just to grab a few sheets of paper? Plus, you’ve snagged prime studying space already at Tisch, speed-walking past the rest of the sleep-deprived population at Tufts — you’re not giving this up that easily. So, you open up that laptop, and hope that Wikipedia will know enough about the topic you’re studying. Everything will turn out just fine (most likely — satisfaction is not 100% guaranteed).
3. Exhaustion after 4+ hours of nose-to-page studying
It’s been approximately 4 (or maybe 5?) hours and you’ve managed to get halfway through the material that will be on the exam. Wonderful. If only you’d be willing to sacrifice sleep to get through all you need to get through at this rate. You haven’t looked up from your notes the entire time, and keepmeout.com, which warns you when you go onto distracting websites, has earned its place as the number one bae in your life. Reflecting on all of your progress, the exhaustion hits you like a ton of bricks. You’re tired. Really, really tired. Realizing that there’s no way to finish reviewing in a timely manner whilst simultaneously battling falling asleep, you try to find a way to recharge. Speaking of which…
4. The Relapse
You were doing so well — great even — before it happened. It’s the thing all students know and dread: falling into the depths of unproductivity after getting so much work done. You try to justify it by saying you need coffee or a “short” mental break. Well, one thing leads to another, and your ten-minute trip to the Rez turns into an hour and a half spent taking Buzzfeed quizzes and learning about which extinct animal you are. At this point, you’re unsure of whether to rejoice in the fact that you got some studying done or feel immense regret because you just wasted an hour of prime study time on Buzzfeed. Honestly, by now, you might as well give up.
5. Acceptance of Fate (R.I.P. our GPA’s)
The voice warning you of Tisch’s imminent closing comes on and you know it’s over. You’ve tried your hardest and have done as much as possible, but maybe you were just never meant to be at the top of the curve (“What curve?” the professors ask, cackling). Grades are an enigma, and everything is transient. Time to get 4 hours of shut-eye and accept the inevitable failure awaiting us on SIS after the exam.
I’m Squidward, you’re Squidward. We’re all Squidwards here.