‘Twi-wings’

One of the best parts about Tufts University is the make-your-own-wings night at Carm. True story: Rachel almost started crying when she thought they ran out of the fried chicken wings the last time we partook in wing night. Tbh, we would put it in our top three favorite things about college right after learning how to live with the joys and sorrows of adulthood, and bluezones (just thinking about them is making Merilla salivate #sheneedshelp). As we were stuffing our faces with wings, inspiration hit us. What if Twilight by Stephenie Meyer was actually written with chicken wings and not sparkly vampires in mind? We think this conspiracy theory is getting on its way to becoming the best conspiracy theory since the one about Constantine inventing the Illuminati (we never trusted him). With this in mind, we embarked on a soul-searching journey to Carm in order to recreate what Stephenie Meyer was really thinking about when she wrote Twilight. We’re giving you VIP access to some excerpts from our novel, Twi-wings (still a work in progress). It’s been picked up by Oxford Press so…we’re doing big things here. Remember our names. They’re Merilla and Rachel in case you forgot. Anyway, enough stalling. We happily present to you the best quotes from Twi-wings from various points in our novel:

Pre-Face Full of Wings

“I’d never given much thought to how I would die…but even if I had, I would not have imagined it like this. I stared, salivating, across the long table, into the dark eyes of the wings I was about to consume, and they looked pleasantly back at me. They have eyes. This is so crazy.”

“When the chef offers you wings so far beyond any of your expectations, it’s not reasonable to grieve when the feasting comes to an end.”

Chapter III: Phenomenon

“I saw several types of wings simultaneously. Nothing was moving in slow motion, the way it does in the movies. Instead, the adrenaline rush and smell of buffalo sauce seemed to make my mouth water even faster, and I was able to eat several wings at once.”

“I was consumed by the mystery this Inner Beauty sauce presented. And more than a little obsessed with baked wings. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I wasn’t as eager to escape Carm after spending six hours in it as any normal, sane person would be.”

“This was the first night I dreamed of chicken wings, and it was the most exhilarating dream I had ever had.”

Chapter IV: Invitations

“Stupid, shiny, delicious blue cheese dressing.”

Chapter V: Sauce

“I’m just going to eat what I want now, and let the bones fall where they may.”

Chapter VIII: Port Angelic BBQ Sauce

“It had been a while since I’d gone to wings night at Carm, and the estrogen rush was invigorating.”

“‘Do I dazzle you?’ the wings asked us.”

Chapter IX: Theory of Rela-wing-itivity

“About three things I was absolutely positive. First, these wings gave me the greatest pleasure I have ever experienced. Second, there was a part of me — and I didn’t know how potent that part might be — that thirsted for the buffalo sauce as if it were blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with them.”

Chapter XI: Complications

“These wings…they look at you like…they’re something for you to eat.”

Chapter XIII: Confessions of a Wing Addict

“You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever.”

“And so the college student fell in love with the drumstick.”

Chapter XIV: Food Over Matter

“That was the first night I came here. I wrestled for so long while watching you be baked and tossed in sauce, with the chasm between what I knew was right, moral, ethical, good for my digestion, and what I wanted.”

Chapter XV: The Wings

” ‘You are my life now,’ I whispered seductively to the plate of wings in front of me.”

“I realized there were tears in my eyes. I dabbed at them, embarrassed. ‘No, no, it’s fine. These aren’t too spicy for me.’ ”

Chapter XVI: Carmichael

“You just ate the inner beauty hot sauce with your wings.”
“You’re still waiting for the running and the screaming, aren’t you?”

Chapter XVIII: The Hunt

“There are four sauce options for your wings. I’m afraid you’re going to have to make a choice.”

Chapter XIX: Goodbyes

“What is the celery to me? Except a menace — a danger you’ve chosen to inflict on all of us.”

Can’t get enough of Twi-wings? Don’t worry. It should be hitting the shelves at some point in our lifetime. In the meantime, hit up wing night at Carm and see what all the fuss is about. And who knows? Perhaps your soulmate has been in front of you all along in the form of wings. Let yourself love and be loved.

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