Halloween is over. We know you want to hold on to this dear holiday by eating stale candy corn and pretending that it still tastes good, but it’s time to make way for Thanksgiving and Christmas. As the air gets colder and you keep hearing the girls in your hall sing the Queen of Christmas’ anthem, All I Want For Christmas Is You, you are forced to confront the greatest debate of all time: Thanksgiving…or Christmas? Which is superior? Here’s the breakdown:
Thanksgiving: Obviously, Thanksgiving is the winner here. If you’re a Christmas person, have fun eating peppermint flavored foods for a month and getting bloated from eggnog.
Christmas: Nothing says “Seasons Greetings” like your red Starbucks cup! Christmas provides an opportunity to have fun flavors and warm delights. Warning: avoid the Turkish delight — looking at you Edmund Pevensie.
Thanksgiving: There are few things that can compare to waking up on Thanksgiving morning and watching balloon versions of your favorite cartoon characters fly across your television during the Macy’s Parade. Plus, when dinner time rolls around, you are prepared to assert your dominance via the wishbone. If you have to, throw some elbows because you are not about to let your random cousin who took too long to pass the stuffing win. PSA to all of you Christmas fans: try not to bleed out when you paper cut yourself wrapping gifts.
Christmas: Thanksgiving is overshadowed by the beginning of the Christmas season itself due to the madness that is Black Friday. Since the Christmas spirit does last an entire season, there’s more room for traditions like gingerbread houses and caroling, decorating the Christmas tree, and baking Christmas cookies.
Charlie Brown Specials
Thanksgiving: Charlie Brown finally kicks the football.
Christmas: A Charlie Brown Christmas is the most beautiful and moving thing in this entire world. It showcases what it means to truly celebrate Christmas. Plus, the Peanuts sing Hark the Herald Angels Sing at the end.
How Much You Want to Kill Your Family
Thanksgiving: How many more times do we have to say, “Can you pass the gravy”? Also, who ruined this delicious pie by putting pecans on it? The only reason I am helping out in the kitchen is because I was promised that I could use the electric turkey carver.
Christmas: Yes, mom, colored lights and white lights are fine. No, dad, don’t wear the Santa hat in public. Mom, I’m not wearing that outfit to see grandma no matter how much she loves it on me. And if I have to do one more round of Christmas shopping…
Thanksgiving: Congratulations, you now have an unlimited supply of leftovers.
Christmas: The aftermath of Christmas is almost certainly followed by a wallowing sense of despair and the distaste of having to learn to write a new date for the year. Truly a travesty.
So, who wins?