Late-Night TV Talk Show Host Rankings

I, Rachel, am going solo on this article as Merilla has much to learn about the late-night talk show scene. When I asked her if she wanted to collaborate on this, she said, “Oh, I know this! Regis and Kelly are the ones on the local Maine news station WGME 13, right?” Yalla bye, Merilla, I’ll see ya next week.

I believe in a secret checklist in becoming a late-night talk show host. Step one: have a penis. Aaaaaaaaaaaaand that’s it. Whenever I think of all these TV personalities, I think, “Dang, that’s a lot of middle-aged white dudes.” As I wait for Chelsea Handler, Samantha Bee and (unironically) Khloe Kardashian to get their own shows, I’m going to rank the current hosts on TV.

Last place: Seth Meyers – Late Night with Seth Meyers
I had high hopes for the marital partner of SNL’s Stefon. Unfortunately, bleh. His dry sense of humor borders on boredom. However, I am a fan of his bit “Fake or Florida” even though I’m always wrong.

9) Trevor Noah – The Daily Show with Trevor Noah
This ranking really isn’t fair, seeing that this is Noah’s first week on the air (oh wow I didn’t even mean for that to rhyme. Points to Rachel). He’s following one of the greats in late-night: Jon Stewart. Here’s hoping he lives up to it.

8) Bill Maher – Real Time with Bill Maher
Even though I don’t watch his show as frequently as I do others on this list, I owe a lot to Bill Maher. He was very important to my “existential crisis – will science save us or kill us?” phase.

7) Jimmy Kimmel – Jimmy Kimmel Live!
First of all, the title of this show is a goddamn lie. I know you pre-record your shows, Kimmel. What else could you be lying about? The economy? I’m onto you.

6) Larry Wilmore – The Nightly Show
Wilmore deserves more love. He doesn’t shy away from talking about serious current events on a comedy channel. Even though he’s not the flashiest person on this list, Wilmore has the jokes and the intellect to run a witty show.

5) Jimmy Fallon – The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon
So, The Tonight Show has some pretty hysterical moments. The majority of celebrities come on knowing they’ll have to lip sync, play “Catchphrase” or play flip cup. However, Jimmy Fallon himself lacks luster. He kinda just agrees with everyone and fake laughs at dumb jokes. I guess that’s the polite thing to do, though.

4) James Corden – The Late Late Show with James Corden
James Corden is such a musical nerd and I love it. His carpool karaoke series (Jennifer Hudson‘s is hysterical) and aca-battles cement him as the goofy dude I want to be friends with.

3) Stephen Colbert The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
STEPHEN. STEPHEN. STEPHEN. Colbert’s audience has definitely followed from his previous show, The Colbert Report. At first I wondered which Colbert would grace the television: comical pundit Colbert or mystery Colbert? Fortunately, Colbert’s tone of focusing on political and religious beliefs shines through with each episode.

2) Conan O’ Brien – Conan
Ginger solidarity yo. Also, his Tinder adventure inspired Merilla and me to go on our own Tinder explorations.

1) John Oliver – Last Week Tonight with John Oliver
If you haven’t seen Oliver’s weekly HBO show, I’m openly judging you. From creating a star-studded and educational sex ed video to interviewing Edward Snowden, John Oliver brings up issues that deserve more attention.

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