As you may remember, last week we explored the possibility of love on Tinder. Sadly, it didn’t work out. Most of our potential matches thought that Kidz Bop 8 was better than Kidz Bop 9, and we (Rachel would like to stress that she does not and has never supported basing her love life off of Kidz Bop) just did not have time for those peasants. We decided to upgrade to OK Cupid, hoping a more mature audience would lead us to our future human sacrifice – we mean partner.
As with any dating website, it all starts with the profile. We didn’t want to “compromise our identity” by putting real pictures of ourselves up, for fear of identity theft or something (that was Merilla’s idea), so we used a picture of Mary, Queen of Scots from the CW show Reign. If you are asking yourself, “isn’t this technically lying and slander?” our response to you is “shhh now’s not the time for questions.” Only after talking to many potential lovers did we realize that we were perfect (and creepy?) candidates for that MTV show Catfish. Yikes. Merilla kind of took the reigns on the profile, in case you couldn’t tell by the Kidz Bop references in every section. Rachel could not participate as she was marathoning serial killer documentaries all week. We went under the username FreeSpiritedGal8. We were going for a ~*mysterious*~ vibe and PotatoesAreBae was taken.
Honestly, people were bigger tools on OK Cupid than we were expecting. As we skimmed through literally dozens of messages from random dudes, we almost missed the simple days of Tinder, where we got max one like per hour. People on OKC (that’s how the youths refer to OK Cupid) had a lot of questions. We had some questions from people who clearly weren’t Kidz Bop fans…
We just really don’t have time for those type of people. One guy even asked us if we listened to NOW. What a peasant.
For some reason, a lot of people found our profile puzzling, but most were not deterred. They wanted to know more about the mysterious FreeSpiritedGal8. Note that our profile was easily the most interesting. We have printed out these comments and hung them on our refrigerators.
Most importantly, we were able to meet people who really understood our souls and accepted us for who we were deep down.This guy, our personal favorite, even had his favorite Kidz Bop 8 track at the ready. *Merilla swoons into the ocean and dies*.
Sadly, though we had many strong candidates, we were not able to find a new leader of our sister-wives cult. Fear not! We have not lost hope! OKC and Tinder have shown us that love can be found in seemingly hopeless places. You just have to…believe in love after love. Wait, is it “love after life” or is it “love after tacos”? Let’s go with “loaf after loaf” because we’re really hungry and have a love affair with carbs.
Stay weird, y’all.