[title of blog] | Actor Out of Commission

On Friday, I was fitted into my first corset and I think my organs are just now recovering from the purposeful rearrangement of their position within my body. However, for someone who has the figure of a prepubescent boy, having a perfect hourglass figure for the first time in my life almost made it worth it. But then again, my judgment should not be trusted, since the decisions and opinions I was making were done so by an under-oxygenated brain, due to the compact circumstance of my lungs.

All of that being said, it was nice to be back in the costume shop, as it marks the beginning of my sophomore acting career. I love being a part of theatre in any capacity, but acting is my first love. Plus, it does feel extra glamorous to have costumes perfectly fitted to my body. Perks aside, I do go through withdrawal from acting. This is the only acting venture I’ll have this school year, and while that is unfortunate, I’m also excited to be moving on to new experiences, sans corsets hopefully.

Next semester, I proud to officially announce I will be assistant directing the Torn Ticket II spring musical, Into the Woods. I’ve really begun to enjoy directing and this newfound love has created quite the identity crisis. I’ve always considered myself an actor, even though I’ve been involved in theatre in many positions. However, acting is what I always returned to and, ultimately, is what I always envisioned myself doing professionally within theatre. But directing is slowly winning my heart.

In high school, I performed in every event I possibly could: singing, dancing, acting, whatever opportunity came my way. I was obsessed with being on stage, not because of the attention, but I just liked performing and being able to showcase a project I had put my blood, sweat, and tears into (sometimes literally). Since coming to Tufts, I’ve begun to float into the backstage arena, but I find myself enjoying nearly as much as I enjoy performing.

This scares me.

My identity for so much of my life has been “performer” in its many variations. Now, I’m dawning such titles as “producer” and “director,” which for me are equally as great. Of course, college is an entirely different situation, where it’s hard to be quasi-triple threat on a consistent basis, but acting survived the first cut of of my extra curricular activities. I don’t expect it to ever be cut, but it may start to fade into the background.

Stepping into the unknown is terrifying and suspecting a change of heart is just as petrifying, but I have long accepted the fact that this is the nature of change. I am welcoming this change, but I am also still scared of it.

I just have to keep reminding myself that it totally okay to try new things and to push boundaries. Plus, directors don’t have to wear corsets.

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